I think I can safely say that, by now, nobody will be reading this. It has been too long since I posted to fear that happening. So now I rant.

I have been living with kidney failure for 6 months now. It hasn't been too bad. A couple of unsuccessful surgeries to install a graft in my arm to do the dialysis through. (They didn't take-my veins are apparently too small) Doing diaylasis 3 times a week, 4:45 at a time. A constant feeling of being tired, plus the nagging thought in the back of my head that I am dying.

My wife and I have gotten a pretty dark sense of humor about the whole thing. It keeps us sane. She has been my rock through this whole thing. She is stronger than even she knows. She keeps me in check and doesn't let me wallow in self pity. It is tempting to wallow, let me tell you. Sometimes I just want to look at the people around me complaining about mudane issues, thinkning that the worse thing in the world is the guy who may or may not like them and making out on the couch. I have noticed that since this all came down I am even less tolerant of mundane issues. DO NOT KEEP COMING TO ME WITH YOUR CRAP ABOUT YOUR LITTLE LIFE ISSUES! WHO CARES IF SO AND SO GAVE YOU A DIRTY LOOK! ARE YOU DYING? NO? THEN SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Sorry, but that is my state of mind lately. Now my wife is going off for a week to visit her family. Again. I don't begrude her going. I hope she has a great time. What does make me mad is that they can't be bothered to come visit us. With the circumstances as they are you would think that they might be a bit more understanding and come outour way, but as it is my wife is making the trek, at our expense, to go see them. I know she needs to see her family, she is very close with them but I need her too. Now more than ever. I am worried that something might happen while she is gone.

I am sure this is going to make me look like the "Bad" guy again in her family's eyes but It's how I feel. Why can't they come see us? We have been out the a couple times a year for the last 5 years. We have had 2 visits. Once 2 of her brothers came out and then her parents and Grandmother came out.

Oh well, I am just venting. I am sure everything will be fine.